For Rent: surly 13 year old with summer boredom blues

It's the end of another year of school. We've been busy with all those year-end activities that parents must deal with or look like really crappy parents, and I'm kind of glad it's over and we've moved into actual summer vacation. I say "kind of" because, as any parent knows, long breaks from school aren't really fun for anyone.

About a month into any given school year, the whining begins. "I can't wait for Christmas break. I hate school. Can't I just stay home today? I need a day off." Christmas break comes and goes, then the whining resumes. "When is Spring break? I can't wait for time off. I hate school." Spring break comes and goes as well. You can imagine what comes next.

Kids look forward to summer vacation all year long. I think there's an idealized version of what summer should be in our kids' heads. I know that when I was a kid, I always had visions of warm, perfect days full of fun outdoor activities and weeks of vacationing in foreign locations. I made plans to go to the beach, camping, the amusement parks, the movies, the mall... every day would be filled with laughter and fun. Every year, my son has those same dreams of what will happen when school lets out for the summer.

The reality of summer in Florida is that it's hot. It's too hot to go to the beach, too hot for camping, too hot to go to the amusement parks. It's too hot to walk to the car so we can drive to the mall or the movies. It's blistering heat, and we stay indoors. I swear, we all seem to forget what summer is like when the weather is a perfect 79 degrees in March. June comes, and the only place we'll be camping is in the air conditioned house.

Over the last few years, the period of time between the last day of school and the first day of whining about boredom has gotten shorter. I used to get a good two weeks before I had to deal with a moping child who needed constant entertainment. This year it started at noon on the last day of school. Bryan graduated eighth grade this year. On the last day of school, they had an awards ceremony in the morning, then I brought him home. Around lunchtime, he flopped on the couch with a dramatic sigh.

"What's wrong?"

*dramatic sigh* "I'm bored."

Oh, hell no. School hasn't even officially ended for the day, and I'm already getting the "entertain me" attitude. In spite of the fact that it's never worked in the past, I'll try the tactic that my mother used on me.

"Find something to do." Yeah, that's going to work.

"I am doing something. I'm talking to you."

Well aren't I the luckiest mom in the universe? This conversation went so far south it took up permanent residence in an igloo. When a 13 year old decides there is nothing to do, there is nothing that will convince him otherwise. I sent him across the street to see if his best friend was home. No such luck.

"I want to dooooo something. I'm sooooo bored."

Mom's way of dealing with the boredom speech didn't work, so I moved on to Grandma's. "If you're so bored, then why don't you go clean your bathroom and pull a load of laundry out of that Everest-sized pile of clothing in your room."

He gasped. He gaped at me with eyes the size of saucers. His jaw hit the floor.

What? Did I say something shocking? Apparently, suggesting chores when boredom strikes is not an acceptable solution. Right then, his friend knocked on the door. Crisis averted for a couple of hours.

I'm looking into a summer exchange program for him. Well, not so much an exchange as a rental program. I'll be leasing him to the highest bidder for slave labor. If you're interested, email me. Be forewarned - he eats a lot, and he gets bored easily. For an additional fee, I'll include two very cute preschoolers who don't eat much and will entertain you all day long. Hell, I'll throw them in for free. Email me. Seriously.