Stupid shower tricks

I had an experience last night that left me shaking my head. I walked into my bedroom in a search for Abby's stuffed kangaroo, and I heard the shower running in my bathroom. Knowing it was my husband, I opened the bathroom door to find the Roo Roo.

I bet you think you know where this is going. You're wrong, and I know you're wrong because nobody in the entire world could ever guess what happened next.

My husband said, "Hey, Robin, is that you?"

"No, I'm the cable guy, here to fix your cable."

"Hey, come here real quick I need to show you something."

Husband, in the shower... hmmm. I'm thinking he wants to show me a pimple on his butt or something, so I sighed and started to walk out of the bathroom. He called me back. "No, wait, really I want to show you something."

Oookay. I approached the shower cautiously and edged the curtain back so I could peek in. My husband was standing with his back to me, soapy from head to toe. He instructed me to watch. Watch what? Before I could ask, he farted. I jumped back, surprised.

"Did bubbles come out?"

WHAT? Oh my God. My husband did not just ask me to watch his soapy ass to see if he could fart bubbles.

Yes, he did.

I left the bathroom in a state of shock and walked back to the living room, abandoning my search for Roo Roo. My son saw me and asked what was wrong, and I told him. After he stopped laughing, he noticed my evil eye targeting him for destruction.

"Honnnneeeyyyy can you come here for a minute?"

"Seriously? So I can watch you try to fart bubbles again?"

"No, I really need something. Please?"

I looked at my son and said, "I swear on all things holy, if he farts bubbles at me again, I'm going to throw myself down a staircase."

I so did not want to walk back in that bathroom. It took all my courage to step halfway through the door and ask what he wanted. Thankfully, he wanted to know where his razor was. I got him one of those cool fog-free mirrors for the shower at Christmas, and it has a razor hook on it, but I took it off this afternoon to shave my legs in the sink. Hey, I was about to go in public in capri pants, and nobody wanted to see the forest on my calves without a quick balance-on-the-sink-shave.

I gave him the razor, had a conversation about whose razor it actually was (and it's mine! I bought it, and he stole it!), then left the bathroom. When I went back to the living room, I found my son standing guard at the stairs, hoping to prevent me from hurling myself to my death. Okay, so it probably wouldn't have killed me, but it would have guaranteed that somebody else would be cooking dinner for a day or two, and he surely didn't want that to happen.

I found the kangaroo and snuggled it beside my already asleep daughter in her bed. I stood looking at my beautiful little girl, wondering how in the world she could be the product of a man who tries to fart bubbles in front of his wife.

It's a good thing I love him.